Our children: a toast to the children of mothers with diabetes

In October last year I was able to attend EASD (European Association for the Study of Diabetes) Conference in Hamburg thanks to the #dedoc° voices scholarship program. This program affords people with diabetes an incredible opportunity to attend some of the world’s most important scientific conferences and report back to our communities at home, in our own language.

A group of #dedoc° voices, including author of this blog post Ana M Alvarez Pagola, attended EASD 2023 in Hamburg together. Several of them are now collaborating on a project on women’s health and diabetes. Source: Ana M Alvarez Pagola

The conference: scientific sessions and new diabetes technology

The scientific sessions were illuminating to say the least and it was sometimes quite hard to decide which to attend. There was so much knowledge and information to absorb that I guess I’m still in “processing mode”.

Touring the exhibition hall gave us the opportunity to see first-hand some of the amazing new gadgets and devices that we will slowly (but steadily and hopefully) gain access to in our respective countries. Reporting back on technology is important as the mere fact of being aware of the existence of a new device or an improvement on what we currently have and asking for them to be provided, is a way of exerting pressure on our respective healthcare systems to provide access (sooner or later).

The people: connecting with diabetes advocates from across the globe

But the one thing I really appreciate and cherish above everything else is the possibility of connecting and bonding with peers from all over the world. It took me so long to actually be able to connect with others after my own diagnosis that I always feel I still haven’t caught up.

It was great to meet up again with old friends. It was also great to meet others “in 3D” for the first time. We share so much in the virtual world (via social media, WhatsApp groups and one-on-one) that we feel we’ve known each other for ages. 

A group of #dedoc° voices, many of whom are mothers living with diabetes, pose for a group photo at EASD 2023. Source: Ana M Alvarez Pagola

The truth is that we don’t really know most of the people we interact with in the virtual world and what we actually know is just a small part of each other’s lives. But sharing a meal or evening drinks can help us find more common ground and strengthen some budding friendships. 

It’s also true that we talk a lot about diabetes, but it is not diabetes in a clinical context. It is not like talking about diabetes at the doctor’s office or to people who don’t know much about it. It is actually diabetes in real life. It is diabetes AND real life.

Parenthood and diabetes: our children

This time was no exception. A group of us with grown (or almost grown) children began to talk about having children while managing and coping with our diabetes. But our conversation was not about pregnancies (as hard and difficult as some were). And it was not about bringing up our children while managing our diabetes. Don’t get me wrong: this is no small feat. It is a challenge faced mostly by women (my male friends with diabetes have not once mentioned parenting as a challenge, even when asked directly).

What we discussed is how we need to acknowledge the effort and the hard work our children have done in coping with a mother with diabetes. Not really dealing with our diabetes, but with us. Their sometimes impaired mothers. Their sometimes irrational mothers. Their sometimes unpredictable mothers. How they have helped us deal with a bad low or when we simply fainted right before their eyes. How they have sometimes called for help, even while being very young themselves, little more than toddlers. What we have felt when coming to after a low and have stared into their frightened eyes. And felt terribly guilty. How they have been really brave and taken care of us when we are the ones who were supposed to take care of them.

Our children always knew where the juice boxes were stored within easy reach. They always knew where we kept our candy for lows. And they never, ever touched our supplies for lows other than to hand them over to us… or try to coax us into drinking some juice when we were being rebellious and refusing to accept their help and assistance.

We have overheard them explain diabetes to their friends. We have seen how they sometimes just look at us and tell us to please check our BG. They know. They just take a look at us and they know. And we have felt a mixture of pride and regret that they are so aware and have been from such an early age. 

We cannot help but feel like a burden at times.

We cannot help but feel extremely grateful for our children.

We have mixed feelings. And we share these feelings.

This group of women who came together for a scientific conference and to learn about diabetes were brave enough to also share their time and souls with each other. There is a shared bond, or more than one, between us. 

And we also share how proud we are of our children and how much we treasure and admire them.

And I toast to that.

Ana M Alvarez Pagola raises a toast to the children of mothers living with diabetes. Source: Ana M Alvarez Pagola